Acceptance

Acceptance

After many days I’ve finally gotten to accept my status as one among the forever-alone.

Forever Alone...

It is said that in a story, when the protagonist meets his/her counterpart of the opposite sex for the first time and they both notice each-other, the situation is called a ‘meet cute’. Sadly, for me, the meet cute is gonna happen in a drawing room with my family sitting around me and my future-spouse’s family sitting with them, when my spouse-to-be hands me ‘kesari bath’ and tea, after which she would then delve into asking me some disturbing questions that I would normally have not answered, had I followed the norms of the normal dating protocol.

Admittedly, there is an advantage to this ‘arrangement’. You can get from ‘bases’ 1^st through 3^rd, all the way to home run without any added effort, metaphorically speaking. But honestly, what pro baseball player would want to compete against the pee-wee league? People didn’t play Mario because it was easy to get to the next level, did they? NO it was their spirit of adventure that got ‘em hooked. Something my fellow forever-alone-rs will be deprived of, the thrill of the chase.

Why have I given up hope, you ask me? Ah, well it’s not for the lack of trying that I’m forever alone my friends. I blame lack of opportunity, slim-pickens and being stricken by ‘Friend-zone Fiona’ for it all…

I am not like the “check please!” guy from ‘Goodness, Gracious, me’ who says the wrong things and yet I must spend Valentines-day watching Prometheus and Bob clips on youtube. When all you do is, go to work, and come back home in a day, the opportunity to chat up a girl eludes you. I cannot think of a single scenario where I can just walk up to a girl and try to strike a conversation without being looked upon as a lecher in this prudent country.

On the off chance that I do get to meet girls, there’s always some fatal flaw in them. No, I’m not looking for a Megan-Fox-meets-Marie-Curie (or Mary Poppins) combination, but good looks and an average IQ isn’t too much to ask, is it? Seems all the girls I meet these days are shallow, superficial and downright stupid. Of course I may not be looking in the right places but I shouldn’t have to be hard pressed to go out of my way and explore new places to find the right girl for me, for the next thing I know I’d stoop so low that I’d be looking for girls in dating websites *shudder*. Sadly my work hugely diminishes my social life and my social circle to near non-existence. I’m not all that fastidious, god knows I’m not without flaws but the girls I encounter out there make me want to yell out in frustration. Like recently, I met a girl who was good looking and tried to strike up a conversation with her. Eventually, I succeeded, but what followed was a harrowing experience. I regretted every sip of the coffee I sipped whilst she was yammering away about something I least cared about. Nonsensical drivel so narcissistic and self-centred that in my head, the conversation sounded something like this: “Me, me, me, mine, me, I, me, me, and mine. Me, me“. Met another one, whose I.Q. resembles that of a rock. Another one who couldn’t stop talking about clothes! Talk about vanity! And then there are those who are hesitant to even say a word. There’s a time to be shy; while talking to me, is not the time to be. You’d think I’ve asked her to enact a perverse excerpt from one of Chaucer’s tales! The irony here though, is that in a population of 591 odd million women, there are so few who fit the bill.

When all said and done, you’ve managed to cross the two hurdles mentioned before, you still have to face a third one. Something I’d like to call, “avoiding the friend-zone”. Time and time again man (me in particular) has fallen victim to the friend zone. Naïve girls, who actually believe she can befriend a boy and ‘share’ with him, expect him to be the most wonderful chum to her, unintentionally lure him into the friend-zone. The boy unwittingly becomes her shoulder to cry on at the worst of times, jests when she seems glum, smiles when she has her best of times and has now fallen head-over-heels for her. Until she unceremoniously boots him for the idiot next door who is slightly better looking than our lovelorn fool. This is why gay men are so popular among the girls; true story. Sure, it’s gentlemanly of a guy to be there for the lady, the damsel in distress. It’s just common courtesy if not gentlemanly; to be the best company she’s had. But gentleman, a rare breed though they are, fall under the ‘good guy’ category and according to the age-old tradition, good guys finish last. A straight man and a girl cannot be friends, pals, chums, buddies; platonic or otherwise. Didn’t Harry and Sally make that abundantly clear in the movie?! Well then what are movies for, if not for learning?

True Story...

I tell you, the friend-zone is the premier most reason for the existence of forever-alone people. More horrid than being in the twilight-zone. Why on earth would a guy spend all that time and energy to become just a friend?! Ludicrous!

Stuck here? sucks to be you...

And I’ve made the grave mistake of being led into this scenario like an asinine fool more often than not. Which is why I’ve given up hope. To use the modified version of the break-up cliché; it’s not me, it’s you.

Not worth it...

So rather than to have to go through these insipid medley of women and to bend-over backwards for someone who least appreciates it, I’ve decided to wait for the one who would be legally obligated to appreciate it all and will bring me a lot of money to boot! (yes I will accept a dowry, one shouldn’t refuse a gift at the risk of appearing to be rude…).  So yes, I’m going to be forever alone (forever being the time until that dreaded day when I get married) and I don’t mind anymore! Cheerio!