I found this old written piece I'd written a long time ago. It's still in the draft stages and hence, horribly punctuated with conjunctions taking you by surprise and the beginning of sentences, as if the sentences are being delivered by your high-school debate team captain. but here it is nonetheless, still it its infancy because i'm too lazy to edit it...
A Ghoulish Affair
Whenever I’m asked, “do you believe in
ghosts?” I have the same reply. ”no, I do not!” After all, why would anyone in
their right mind come back to earth?! Nobody wants the aggravation. Quite
frankly, how many people would want to look back at what they’re going to be
leaving behind? I’m sure dead souls would gladly come back to earth
and say, “ah! Home at last. How I missed the pollution”.
Oh yes, the ghost has
a lot to look forward to. They say ghosts have unfinished business, hence they
roam the earth to fulfill their task. Preposterous, don’t you think? What’s the
ghost got? A checklist? I can just
picture Mr. Ghost saying, “Hmmm, let’s see. I’ve still got Monday’s
dry-cleaning to do. Got to post that mail. Buy stamps. Oh! Almost forgot! I still
have to pay for my funeral”. Show me a man keen on finishing his work and I’ll
show you a workaholic.
And what is it with ghosts scaring people? Have they got
some sort of a score card? “Now let’s see. I scared 2 people in the afternoon.
That kid at night. And that couple in the park. Now that brings my score up to
58 today. Only 7 more points to win today’s prize! Wonder what today’s prize is”.
What I really think is that, only people who’ve enjoyed living on earth would
return after death. Otherwise there’s just no point coming back. In any case,
if people who’d enjoyed living here COULD come back, I’d expect to see the
ghosts of many politicians. Let’s face it; they’re the only people who have it
good here. Also, they’re the only category of people who actually have
‘unfinished business’. They’re probably back to hide those bribes they’d taken
when they were alive!
I hope I’ve proved my point to you that there really
isn’t any need for ghosts to be here. For one thing, you’d have to live as an
apparition. Say, you were a ghost and you popped in to say hello to your friend
who still happens to be alive. Picture that scenario. Your friend is obviously
going to dismiss your presence as a hallucination. ‘A little sun in the eye’ is
what they’d call it. You’d get so annoyed trying to make him notice you that
you’d probably abandon the idea of saying hello to him or any other of your
acquaintances. If you do persist anyway, it would only lead your friend too
consult a psychiatrist.
And what job would a ghost do? The only thing I can
think of is being hired by the guild of psychiatrists to ‘appear’ to
unsuspecting people so they’d think they’re delirious and consult those
psychiatrists. “BOO! I’m a ghost. Now visit Dr. Martin, M.D.”. so that’s just
really there is, to being a ghost. Aggravation revisited. So, this is why I
believe that no person in their right mind would come back as a ghost. Hence, I
arrive at the conclusion that ghosts DO NOT exist.
