A Ghoulish Affair

I found this old written piece I'd written a long time ago. It's still in the draft stages and hence, horribly punctuated with conjunctions taking you by surprise and the beginning of sentences, as if  the  sentences are being delivered by your high-school debate team captain. but here it is nonetheless, still it its infancy because i'm too lazy to edit it...

A Ghoulish Affair

Whenever I’m asked, “do you believe in ghosts?” I have the same reply. ”no, I do not!” After all, why would anyone in their right mind come back to earth?! Nobody wants the aggravation. Quite frankly, how many people would want to look back at what they’re going to be leaving behind? I’m sure dead souls would gladly come back to earth and say, “ah! Home at last. How I missed the pollution”.

Oh yes, the ghost has a lot to look forward to. They say ghosts have unfinished business, hence they roam the earth to fulfill their task. Preposterous, don’t you think? What’s the ghost got? A checklist?  I can just picture Mr. Ghost saying, “Hmmm, let’s see. I’ve still got Monday’s dry-cleaning to do. Got to post that mail. Buy stamps. Oh! Almost forgot! I still have to pay for my funeral”. Show me a man keen on finishing his work and I’ll show you a workaholic.

And what is it with ghosts scaring people? Have they got some sort of a score card? “Now let’s see. I scared 2 people in the afternoon. That kid at night. And that couple in the park. Now that brings my score up to 58 today. Only 7 more points to win today’s prize! Wonder what today’s prize is”.

What I really think is that, only people who’ve enjoyed living on earth would return after death. Otherwise there’s just no point coming back. In any case, if people who’d enjoyed living here COULD come back, I’d expect to see the ghosts of many politicians. Let’s face it; they’re the only people who have it good here. Also, they’re the only category of people who actually have ‘unfinished business’. They’re probably back to hide those bribes they’d taken when they were alive!

I hope I’ve proved my point to you that there really isn’t any need for ghosts to be here. For one thing, you’d have to live as an apparition. Say, you were a ghost and you popped in to say hello to your friend who still happens to be alive. Picture that scenario. Your friend is obviously going to dismiss your presence as a hallucination. ‘A little sun in the eye’ is what they’d call it. You’d get so annoyed trying to make him notice you that you’d probably abandon the idea of saying hello to him or any other of your acquaintances. If you do persist anyway, it would only lead your friend too consult a psychiatrist.

And what job would a ghost do? The only thing I can think of is being hired by the guild of psychiatrists to ‘appear’ to unsuspecting people so they’d think they’re delirious and consult those psychiatrists. “BOO! I’m a ghost. Now visit Dr. Martin, M.D.”. so that’s just really there is, to being a ghost. Aggravation revisited. So, this is why I believe that no person in their right mind would come back as a ghost. Hence, I arrive at the conclusion that ghosts DO NOT exist.